Sometimes our biggest conflicts come when both spouses are right. 

My older daughter and my niece are currently working at a clothing store chain notorious for hiring only “beautiful” people. While this is all fine and good for them, it raises questions in my mind about children and teenagers who are not traditionally “beautiful.”
 
 We all feel for the less-than-perfect kids who are bombarded daily with images of beautiful, svelte models everywhere. I believe that, with confidence and support, they can be gorgeous, too. So much depends on attitude. My daughter is now considered beautiful, however, she had a rough middle school experience which took a lot of “support” to help her overcome a bad self-image. As soon as she hit high school, braces off and clear skin, all bets were off and she was hugely popular with the boys. That gave her the confidence she needed to build an attitude I’d been trying to instill in her all along. Confidence really is key.

Sometimes life throws curveballs at you. It’s hard to always keep a smile and be happy about things. Follow these steps to help stay positive and not let things affect you. Remember you always have a choice.

Internship Positions Available at Our Community Counseling Center

Internship Positions are currently available with the University of San Francisco Community Counseling Center. Our interns work with a variety of clients: family, individual, couple at our counseling center based at Mercy High School, 4^th Floor. The Center for Child and Family Development has a family systems and school-based family counseling orientation. Many of our clients are parents and guardians who want to help their children overcome challenges that impede their learning.

• Placements from 10-20 hours/week
• Flexible schedules for weekdays and Saturdays
• Opportunities to collect child hours
• Group supervision Mondays 3:30-4:30 pm
• Minimum 12 month contract
• Internship stipend : $1000/yr
• Supervision by Chris Trailer, LMFT
• Psychology license supervision also available

For further information contact Dr. Brian Gerrard, 415-308-3725. To apply, email gerrardb@earthlink.net with resume and references.

Internship and Traineeship Positions Available Through Out School Outreach Program

Internship and Traineeship Positions are currently available with the University of San Francisco Center for Child and Family Development School Outreach Program. We place MFT trainees and interns in public, Catholic, and private schools where they function as a School-Based Family Counselor. Counselors work with the child, teacher, principal, and parents/guardians to help the child overcome challenges impeding school success. Common problems experienced by schoolchildren are family related (e.g. families under stress due to economic or health problems, parents separating or divorcing, and other forms of family stress). The Center for Child and Family Development has a family systems and school-based family counseling orientation.

• Placements 20 hours/week, placement day flexible
• Opportunities to collect child hours
• Group supervision (2-hour) available on different weekdays
• Individual supervision in addition for trainees
• Monthly in-service training on Saturday mornings
• Minimum 9 month contract
• Supervision by experienced team of licensed mental health professionals

For further information or to apply, contact Judy Giampaoli, LMFT, Director: School Outreach Program, jgiampaoli@yahoo.com with resume and references.

I often suggest journal writing to my clients who are grieving the death of a loved one or dealing with a difficult life change as a useful way to deal with and befriend the intense emotions that often accompany these experiences. Some say, “oh, I’m not a good writer.”  To that I reply that what is important is the act of expression, not how pretty or correct it is. In fact, the word “express” literally means “push out”, that is, pushing out all of those churning, claustrophobic and chaotic feelings in a way that gives them “breathing room” and makes them workable. The following are some tips for the use of journaling as a healing tool in grief and other difficult life transitions:

Living a Grateful Life
by Carleton Kendrick, Ed.M., LCSW

Why not use this Thanksgiving Day as the first step toward becoming a more grateful family? Giving thanks for one’s blessings on this holiday is traditional. Feeling grateful every day is an attitude and a way of experiencing life. If you want to cultivate gratitude as a family value, the following questions can help you make giving thanks an integral, daily part of your lives.

How can we give thanks every day?
Focus on creating both individual and family rituals. Keep “gratitude journals”; set aside time for family prayer; try to be more physically affectionate with one another; make an effort to express your appreciation and encouragement (the dinner table is the perfect place to do this). Giving your thanks daily establishes gratitude as a priority in your family.

What do we take for granted that we might express thanks for every day?
We all need to open our eyes and appreciate our daily gifts: food, shelter, clothing, good health, friendship, the beauty of nature, and the kindness of others. Talking about ways to increase our awareness of these daily blessings is productive.

Is doing for others a way of expressing gratitude?
Discuss how helping others is gratitude in action. You might not only prepare and/or help serve a holiday meal at a homeless shelter, but also talk about how your family can make a commitment of time and service to this shelter on a regular basis. Expressing thanks by actively helping others in an ongoing way can be one of your family’s “gratitude goals.”

What attributes do you possess that you are thankful for?
This self-examination encourages self-gratitude, helping us pause to appreciate our skills, talents, and personality traits. If we’ve lost sight of our special gifts, this gives family members an opportunity to point them out to us: “You are the best listener.” “You always manage to cheer us up when we’re down.” “You can fix anything that’s broken.”

Who has treated you with kindness and generosity, and how would you like to thank that person?
Gratitude can take many forms – a homemade gift, a thank-you card, a phone call, a spontaneous favor. Remembering those who have made us feel special and valued encourages us to become more aware and appreciative of human kindness. You might discuss ways to show your gratitude by passing on a person’s kindness through your own acts of generosity.

Teaching your children by example how to make their gratitude known is at the core of teaching them how to appreciate and celebrate the abundance in their lives. These are lessons learned throughout a lifetime, not merely discussions we have at Thanksgiving dinner.

Nothing is more basic to human life than eating. The food and drink that fuel our bodies requires our attention every few hours every day, and provides us with experiences of pleasure and rest that most of us share with others. Food choices vary from country to country, and from century to century. While some eat beans and others fish, we all worry about our food. Is it safe? Is there enough? How will it taste? We spend enormous amounts of money, time and energy producing food, transporting food, buying food, making food. Yet fewer and fewer Americans spend equal amounts of time and energy enjoying it.

We want food, but we want it fast. We want it easy to prepare, tasty and attractive, and we don’t want to spend a lot of time cleaning up. We may eat standing up, in front of the television or computer, and even in our cars. And while all of us are well aware of the effect this increasingly rapid and processed food consumption is having on our national levels of heart disease, cancer and obesity, fewer of us are aware of what it’s doing to our family relationships.

For centuries of human life, families have made it a priority of daily living to eat together. At our tables, food is shared, conversations held, relationships cemented. It’s no wonder that in all the major religious traditions, some kind of eating ritual or food offering is a central act. Our holidays are often focused around the foods we prepare and share. Can you imagine celebrating Thanksgiving without a major family meal, or a child’s birthday without cake?

The sharing of food together is such an integral act to family function that when this emotional process gets twisted, eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia and morbid obesity can develop. Each of these difficult mental health disorders is on the rise in our country, and is notoriously difficult to heal. The best current practice of healing eating disorders includes every family member in the treatment process. The whole family has to learn to eat together again.

Many families with growing children have two working parents, whose work lives often extend into the evenings via their business emails, beckoning them from their smart phones or laptops. If those same parents aren’t going to the gym, doing laundry, paying the bills or running errands in the evening, they are often back in their cars taking their children to dance, basketball or Scouts. Dinner may be picked up on the way, or eaten piecemeal by each family member as they come in and out of the house. Even families with one parent home most of the time have difficulty scheduling a time when “dinner is ready.” While dinner might be ready on the stove, is there anyone home to eat it?

As simplistic as it may sound, eating shared, calm, regular meals together as a family is as close to a “magic pill” we may get to hold the scattered American family together. Current research demonstrates that families that eat at least a few meals together at home during the week have children and teens that are more successful at school, are less apt to experiment with early sexual activity, alcohol and other drugs, are less prone to eating disorders and have higher self esteem. Parents have increased sense of connection with each other and their children, and have healthier eating habits.

The only downside is that stressed and busy adults have to make the buying, storing and preparation of food a personal priority. Somebody has to think about and organize the meals. Food is costly, perishable and heavy. Cooking at home can be enormously stressful to an already time pressed and distracted parent, whose own life feels like it is already poured out for the sake of their children, their employer, and their spouse. The regular cook may feel like the only one in the family who isn’t enjoying all the emotional benefits of their hard work.

As important as eating together has been and continues to be, it’s well worth the time and energy it takes to make eating as a family a new priority. Schedules may need to be trimmed down, and rearranged. Expectations will need to be shared about when dinner is eaten and who needs to be there. Work must be shared so that the family chef doesn’t give up from overwork. And new attention may need to be given to the emotional tone of the family dinner, so that laughter is on the menu as much as problem solving. When it comes to helping the family function, the daily question, “what’s for dinner?” may just be one of the most important questions you hear all day.

by Lynne Silva-Breen, MDiv, MA, LMFT.

We are pleased to announce that Bonnie Harris, M.S.Ed., author of When Your Kids Push Your Buttons, will be presenting a series of workshops at our Center located at Mercy High School. To reserve a spot, please call the USF Center for Child and Family Development at 415-239-9300 or email us at usftherapist@gmail.com.

For more information on each workshop, please click the “Read More” link below this table.

Speaker	Topic	Audience	Date(s)	Fees
Bonnie Harris, M.S.Ed	When Your Kids Push Your Buttons: Defuse Your Buttons and Regain Your Sanity and Your Authority	Parents and Caregivers of Children of All Age	Session 1: October 19 and 21, 2010 9:00AM-12:30PM	Single $75 / Couple $125 (Includes Workbook); Choose only one session.
			Session 2: October 20 and 22, 2010 9:00AM-12:30PM
Bonnie Harris, M.S.Ed	Getting to the Root of It: Your Child’s Behavior is Trying to Tell You Something	Parents and Caregivers of Children of All Age	October 20, 2010 7:00-9:00PM	$15
Bonnie Harris, M.S.Ed	When Parents Get Their Buttons Pushed: Helping Parents Understand and Take Responsibility for Their Part in the Parent/Child Relationship	Professionals Working With Children and Families	October 23, 2010 9:00AM-3:30PM	$110; MFT CEUs offered!

Parenting a teenage daughter is not an easy job. It is as difficult as molding a pot without even touching it. To get control over such situations just read on and try to make the relation between your daughter more smooth and lovable…

by Shankar Vedantam

In any class of children, you’ll see the usual bunch of outgoing kids and those who like to play by themselves or in smaller groups. But being gregarious in itself is not the only predictor of developing friendships – new research suggests that children who are drawn to others who are like themselves (as opposed to children who are drawn to others different from themselves) are more likely to have best friends — and to acquire best friends if they don’t have them already.